Day 112 : Reaction To Message For Money

 Today I received a message from my ex wife asking for money for the kids for aid celebration and also for monthly fees!

For the first time I have now a shortage of money in my bank account. I feel nor able to answer my responsability in time 

Those are the thoughts that I begin to have :

* I am always a irresponsible father 

* They will hate me 

* I am not a good modele for my kids 

* that is hapenning all the time with me 

* remembrance of the day we did not have any money and create a conflict to go to nador.

* I am a failure 

* fuck me.all those years I did not succeed to resolve this problems for my life

* I am an irresponsible man 

* I am not doing all what I can do.

* I fear be without and I am without

* why I can not rise up from this fucking mess



Those are my feeling about that :

* I feel fear about that continue like this 

* I feel worthless 

* I feel less and inferior 

* I feel deep sorrow 

* I feel not able

* I feel powerless 

* I feel nothing is working for me

* I feel defeated 

* I feel hopeless 

* I feel bad very bad 



I forgive myself that Inhave accepted and allowed myself to think that I am always an irresponsible father 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that  They will hate me 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that i am not a good modele for my kids 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think  that is hapenning all the time with me 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here and remembrance of the day we did not have any money and create a conflict to go to nador.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think  I am a failure 

I forigve myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think fuck me.all those years I did not succeed to resolve this problems for my life

I forigve myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am an irresponsible man 

I forgive.myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that  I am not doing all what I can do.

I forigve myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear be without and I am without

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think why I can not rise up from this fucking mess

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear about that continue like this 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel worthless 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less and inferior 

I forgive.myseld that I have accepted and allowed myself  to feel deep sorrow 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to feel not able

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless 

 I forgive myself rhat I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nothing is working for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel defeated 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hopeless 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad very bad 


When and as I see myself to feel sorry and bad about myself each time I see that I do not have any or enough money I stop and I take deep breath in the moment and stand up for myself push myself to take action in the moment 




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