Day 91 : Deception of Mess

 


I am becoming a mess in this life  today when I wake up to take the same facking road to my wife job I felt un pain in my estomac as usual and I begin to think about the mess life I am living 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shamed and powerless about this fucking situation where I find myself not honest and doing and acting in a desorganised not planned life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up and be strong enough and be sure and claire about what I should do as a man in this fucking relationship 


I forgive myself that I have acceoted and allowed myself to feel more and more confusion  and frustration about my role as a man 


I forgive myself that I have acceoted and allowed myself to think that I am now recycling the same problem inner chat feeling and experience about my role as a man and husband in relationhsip 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want stand up yet and assume my reaponsabilitiy as a man 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find myself that I repeat the same mistakes all the time such lost and confusion in my Role as man ..not take control of my financial ressources.. not be engaged at 100% 


I forgive myself that I have acceoted and allowed myself to feel that there is some thing wrong with me 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see clear my current situation 


I forigve myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have clarity about my relationship and my role as a man


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel suppressed and ashamed about what I am doing In my relationship 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself less and inferior because I can not provide the life style for my wife yet and feel the guilt about it then I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise emotionnaly and financially in this relationship 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ever never see an model or example of a real man in my life 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hate deception and anger toward my father of not being a model for me as a strong and responsable man.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty and shame because I recreate the same femotiins personalities onside my kids about what I am experiencing now 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as a victim..submissive and abused without choice to stand up and be the man


I forgive myself that I have acceored and allowed myself to not see rrqlise and understand that I was never ever in the presence of a strong man that take responsibility and support his family 


I forgive myself that I have acceoted and allowed myself to not be the man after all those years of struggling failure and effort and pain


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know yet what is a real man and what he should do ?!


I forgive myself that I have acceoted and allowed myself to feel irresponsible because I did not create enough money for my family needs yet 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the initiative and leadership in this relationship 


I forgive myself that I have acceoted and allowed myself to feel as a victime every time I can make provide enough money for my wife 


I forigvd myself that I have acceored and aallowed myself to be abused by my wife 


I forgive myself that I have acceoted and allowed myself to be manipulated and influenced by my wife.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take 100% reponsability of my business money and family 


I forigve myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait all the time the confirmation of my wife to do things because I am not confident enough and have fear of her reaction 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am living the same failure in my relationship and experiencing the same resistance from my parter 


I forigve myself that I have acceoted and allowed myself to feel that I am experiencing the same failure about not taking control and providing the enough money to the family 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the image of my father as a weak man not be able to provide enough money and comfortable for his family and accept abusment and be satisfait with the little without fighting for him self and his family 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reproduce my father life as a passive and weak man irresponsible


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reproduce the same personality of my father as a man that he can not achieve or do some thing real in this life 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reproduce the same pattern of my father in life as a failure man to build some thing that will last and grounded in this life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to produce same pattern of my father as a man that never ever finish and build a real success in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to not want to be like my father as a failure in life lost his life without any real accomplishment


I forigve myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be as my father without any willing to fight and support his family for real.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate having the génétiquement of my father in my cells and body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disguset about my genetic structure that I inherited from my father.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the tendency to destroy everything good and built in life such my marriage..relationship..finance as a duplicate of my father patterns 


I forgive myself that I have acceoted and allowed myself to find hard to build some thing for real in this life for myself or my family 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and llowed myself to not see understand and realise what it mean to build something real in thife that will last 


I commit myself to stand up ans support myself as one and equal as a real strong man that can fight and support his family 


I commit myself to stand up and unlearn the images and concept that I have the man transferred from my father and learn for real what is a real man 



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