Day 51 : The Illusion of My Connection Personality

 


My research for a deep connection relationship with my partners was the main thing that I was looking a ready to do anything in my life to "catch" it...I ruin my life so many times because of the addiction to a deep connection with other especially during the sexual act. The consequence of this illusion need inside me are one divorce and so many many cheating in my relationship and a no trustful relationship in the current mariage from my partner. 

I never ..ever question in my life this profond need for connection..and by ignorance by idolat my mind and energy and consciousness I was make myself a slave more and more of this illusionary connection.  Each time I look for this connection and I experience it little bit ..I begin to look for more and more and when I can not satisfy it in my Main relationship I begin to look outside my relationship. That was destroying my life and makr me experience energy without any practical participation in this physical world to growth and make things happen.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that connection deep relationship is my duty and it is a spiritual thing that benefit my being 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and llowed myself to cheat and look and research for this deep connection inside my relationship or in my fantasies and in images in reality 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand and see that this research for deep connection relationship is me as a slave of my mind consciousness system that is looking for more and more of energy and friction 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue be in my mind and looking for mind orgasme just to have an experience of feeling in my mind without any benefit for my being as a real thing.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that as I am experiencing this connection level I am connected with my partner in a being level as one and not see/realize and understand that was juste illusion and it was an pure experience of my mind/energy/consciousness 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be attracted by images/artificial beauty to looking satisfy this mind experience I am looking for even it is just a fantasies and dream or images in my mind..but I did not realize in the moment the consequences of accepted and allowed to be as one with my mind/consciousness and experiencing energy with is illusions and separated from my body and physical reality 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my day be consumed by boring/searching for this kind of connection and not realize this is my addiction to energy.


I commit myself to be self honest with myself about why I look need this deep connection relationship in my marriage or during my sexual act.


I commit myself to support and direct myself to live the life in the physical reality and be one and equal again with/as my physical body.


I commit myself to continue listing/reading/writing and investigating my developed and ore programmed personalities about my relationship and correct and change myself for real to make love real in this physical world 

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