Day 38 : My Relationship as Inner Friction

 


Today when I was discussing by phone with my wife, and begin to listen  her talking about her emotions/thoughts about our all tasks and actions that we do not yet do and also how things move slow for us to move to the new house and all the the things to do for create a true momentum in business especially for recruiting new people and have a new office.


When I was listening to all this talking I begin to observe a energetic  movement inside me and begin to feel bad and begin to have a desire to project this emotions on my wife as a cause. At this moment I begin to take deep breath and also focus in my inner thought and emotions and I made the decision to write about it and make the self forgiveness about it and here I am writing to check my mind 

In the past when such thing happen and such energetic movement happen inside all what I did is to let my mind activate all the excuses and justification why I am a victim and not responsible about it and project the responsibility of my partner and begin to have inner talk in my mind to my partner and begin to have an accumulation of emotions and negative energy inside me that let me after to an behavior or actions negative toward my partner as a revenge act because in my mind she is the only responsible . Now I begin to assume the responsibility of my thought/emotions as reaction to what my partner share and expose to me 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel friction each time my partner share or talk to me about all the things and issue we have to resolve 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my partner is just projecting her negativity on me when she want just share with me what she is thinking and feeling 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear anger and rage each time my partner share the bad thing or the things that we did not yet accomplished 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unstable and responsible of what my partner share and expose 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel responsible about all the emotions and bad conditions of my partner


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want force and impose my partner to think and feel and see things as I see them or want them to be 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncapable and less and inferior each time my partner share a bad feeling or issue about our life as a couple 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need my partner be all the time happy, supportive, calm and joyfull

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stress and frustration each time my parter remember me about all the things not yet done in our life 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue have a inner discussion/talk with myself each time I resist the feeling/emotions/thoughts of my partner 


When and as I see myself resist and catch an energetic movement inside me by the share or talk of my partner I stop take a deep breath and realize that my partner is sharing because she not yet can handle those emotions inside and she is asking for support and her husband to stand up with her as one to depart her demons/ego and mind consciousness system that is trying to survive.  

I realize that I feel bad because there is a structure resonance inside my as a system that are impulsed by my partner word/thoughts/images/languages. 


I commit myself to focus in changing myself and perfecting me in this relationship each time I react energetically and emotionally to my wife sharing, 


I commit myself to support and stay close to myself and stand up for myself and for my wife each time there is a resistance to my wife issues/sharing/exposing 


I commit myself to continue to use writing daily and self forgiveness and self corrective and commitment application


I commit myself to study the truth and reality of relationship /sex/marriage and educate myself to change myself for real as one and equal with my partner for the best of all 



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