Day 34 : My Fear of Self-Intimacy

 


after a failed marriage et continue to challenge to have a stable relationship with a partner! I begin to ask a question and investigate my mind about my reactions and understanding about relationship and marriage and what is hidden in my all challenges in building an equal and one relationship with a partner! 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid at any price to have an intimacy " into me I see" with myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/understand and realize that my past addiction to sex and masturbation was a direct result of avoiding having intimacy with myself and hide in other relationship with my partner 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take time and confront myself by investigating/seeing/understanding and realizing what I am becoming as one and equal as mind consciousness system 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my self intimacy because I fear losing what I become as one and equal as mind consciousness system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my fears and hide them toward/in my relationship with my partner creating more separation instead to develop intimacy with myself  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/understand/realize that the intimacy with myself is developed by investigating my mind consciousness system by writing/self-forgiveness/self-correcting myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to lose my mind consciousness system related to my relationship to my partner each time I feel inferior/less/critiqued/guided by my partner 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be a victim, be controlled, be manipulated by my partner each time she imposed something on me to do because doing so will prevent us more negative consequences in the physical reality in the future as she is thinking in her mind 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impress my emotions/feeling/thinking inside me each time I live an conflict and friction with my partner 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve in the romantic love and be brainwashed by movie/music/novel/tv about the relationship love as a feeling, not as an act based on principals 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that the only reason for marriage is to have sex and have children in the officials/legal context 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my first decision to be engaged in marriage on the need of being in a relationship of love/sex without considering anything about the principals in the agreement relationship that will support the self and the other to change the self in this life time  

I commit myself to work the process inside myself daily and use tools as writing/self-forgiveness to build a true and real relationship with myself

I commit myself to investigate myself and my mind consciousness system and educate myself about the truth of a relationship and change myself for real to build a lasting and supporting relationship with my partner by self-trust, self responsibililty 

I commit myself  to build a lifetime relationship with my partner based on principles and agreement besides the feeling and emotions 

I commit myself to educatere- myself as parent and reparenting myself and be able to educate and grow up children as full expression of life 




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