Day 33 : The Demon of My Past Cheating

 


During my last weeks and in my interaction with my partner in the preparation to make the decision to be together! the demon of my past follow me in each discussion and interaction ! in the last weeks I made the biggest mistake toward myself and toward my partner when I cheating on her ! this was the event that let me make the commitment to change for real in my relationship toward myself and especially to sex/masturbation. I made the decision to build and support myself about those two addictions in my life masturbation/sex! 


I made the decision and I begin the process of change by writing/self-forgiveness/ and living the new principles moment by moment and breath by breath and in this process, something happens that was related to my partner who refuses to forget and forgive! each time there is a memory activated in her mind by discussion/word/event/environment ! she insisted to remember me about my mistakes and the possibility that I do again the same mistake! at the beginning of this, I was feeling frustration/resistance and feeling also guilty for my mistake in the past! and at the same time, I was projecting the responsibility to my partner as she remembers me about my old me that I decide to change! 


It takes me some time to stop the reaction and stop the energetic movement inside me toward the memories projection of my partner to my mind! 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustration/resistance each time my partner remember me of my mistake of cheating 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the responsibility toward my partner as she remembers me of my mistake of cheating 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty and worthless each time my partner remember that he is me the person who cheated in the relationship 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not assume 100% responsibility for my response/reaction of my feeling/emotions/words/acts each time my partner remember me that I am the one who cheats in this relationship 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust enough myself to not be reacting emotionally and energetically to the memories remembrance of my partner and do not just know I am changed forever 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/understand/realize that the remembrance of memories receiving from my partners is my mind consciousness system communication/resistance to test/impose/resist the change that I begin in the process. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to stay firm and stable in my emotions/energetic movement toward any comment/remembrance/memories communicated by my partner about my past mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that once I made the decision to go through the process, everyone includes my partner should follow and react positively to my decision and be as I assume/intend/imagine she will be.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/understand/realize that my partner also has a mind consciousness system that takes the control of her emotions/memories/reactions/thought/action that can do everything to avoid the real change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear  the confrontations/discussions/conflict with my partner each time we discuss about my past mistakes 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the time and walk the process to live this change and insist that my partner change and accept all my mistakes once and every time 

I commit myself to focus and stand up with myself and stay close to myself and investigate any energetic movement with my interaction with my partner and work the process of writing and self-forgiveness relating to this challenge of my past mistakes toward my partner 

I commit myself to take time and challenge myself in the time of doubt and worries of my partner to confirm and prove to myself and to my partner that I am really changed and I am living the change 

I commit myself to self perfect myself breath by breath and moment by moment by walking the process of purifying my mind consciousness system 


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