Day 18 : How I lost My Self Expression !

 


I remember in a phase in my life when I loose my self expression and self honesty and begin to hide and have a secrets mind about what I am doing. 

This was beginning when I become fall in love with a women , that was first time I feel "love" or attachment at this moment I begin to loose my self honesty and begin to hide especially from my parents and think that I am making them feel deception about me. 

I thought having some one in my life and have responsibility toward her is a betrayed to my parents because I did not give back them all the great thing they did for me. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty toward my parent because I decide te get married before to be ready financially 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop being self honest with myself because I wanted to make my partner satisfied 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to steal and hide to give for my partener and feel shame toward my partner 


I fogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impress idea inside me about my parent


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be splitter between my parent and my partner especially to have financial responsibility 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remember some memories about my partner making drama in life when I choose to give and spend time with my parents 


I fogive myslef that I have accepted and allowed myself to remember memory when I left house with my partner and leave family and parents alone in the house without any financial help 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the financial responsabilities of my parent such a big weigh that I bring all the time with me 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do all and spend time and money to satisfied my partner even I did not care about my close member of family 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ruin and destroy my relationship with my brother because of the hate of my partner 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel all the time splited in my self and conflicted between be nice and have self respect when I am with my partner 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up with myself and express myself without fear of losing and the reaction of other 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear all the time speak what is my mind because I fear the reactions of others

 

When and as I see myself hide something inside me or think that I am a victim I take a deep breath , I realise that is my old pre programming and that is not myself , that is just my consciousenss mind system , I take a deep breath and I stand up with myself and I speak those word OK OK OK...why you want hide that ?



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